"Personal Space"

(we have no idea who this guy is but he had his girlfriend taking pictures non-stop)

I read an article yesterday about how to be culturly correct in other countries. In this ariticle is said in Asian countries (such as the one we live in) that personal space is sacred --you don't touch another persons arm etc... I read this several times to make sure I was reading it right. Let me be the one to say --there is no such thing as "personal space" where we live!



This has been one of the most shocking things for us to overcome the past year. When Livia was a baby and we visited I had to have her strapped to my body to keep others from taking her and passing her around. On one of our first walks here a grandma picked up Bria and carried her away --teasing (I think) but non the less a little odd! We are constantly grabbed and pulled to whatever people want us to look at -or if they want others to look at us. The kids hair are pawed at so much that their hair is pulled (on accident) I believe that is largely the reason Bria wanted her hair cut short. Livia has been carried off more times than I can count --it doesn't matter if she cries or tries to wiggle free --they just smile "how cute!" and carry her away to show her off. On buses --they can be so crowded that they don't let anymore people on--which I thought they had no standard of "too many people". To get on and off a bus during busy times I'm pretty sure I am molesting most of the people on it (again not intentionally).

When in a crowd or store and you bump into someone --you never make eye contact or say "I'm sorry" It is just common that you will do that with so many people and you don't say anything! I am still the weird foreigner that is constantly saying "due bu qi". Anwhere that there is a "line" like a check out in a store people will cut --many times --everyone behind you will be pressing up against you --pushing you --your stuff --either to get ahead of you or make sure no one else does. Steve just knows that if I am in line by myslef I will never make it to the front --NEVER. I don't have it in me! I just get really big eyes of disbelief and nervousness because I don't know what to do and cannot be forceful with people. He will see me eventually getting farther and farther back in line --wide eyes mumbling "oh, excuse me, I'm sorry" because I don't know what else to do, and he will rescue me.

When we first moved into where we are --we are the only foreigners here and we had been "remodeling" or finishing the apartment for a month -everyone was VERY curious. People would just walk right in our home all the time and check it out! I didn't have any language skills yet and just smiled took them on a tour! One time when Steve came home I was doing one of my tours to an elderly couple and Steve said "who are they?" Again I said, "how should I know!" Steve talked to them for a little while and they were from the village behind our subdivision -they had heard there were foreigners from others who had taken my "tours" and wanted to see how we lived. Again, "what personal space?!"

Pictures. Our kids have been in thousands --I am not exaggerating ---thousands of pictures the past year. Everyone seems to have a cell phone that they listen to music on the tiny speakers with and take pictures of anyone they want to say is their friend. Even Isaiah has been pulled by teenage girls and boys for pictures posed with arms around him as thier "friend". On our schools field day at a college campus we tried to leave the field and literally couldn't. Hundreds of teenagers were pulling all 5 of our kids for hundreds and hundreds of pictures --like they were movie stars or something --it took us literally an hour to get off the field.

There are foreigners here that this "personal space" issue seems to affect more than it does us. Some put full face visors on their kids --like Michael Jackson did with the scarfs on his kids. The dad told us that this was to keep others from looking and touching them and taking their picture. Many foreigners don't let pictures be taken of their kids --this is very akward for everyone. The mom acts like the body guard "No! No pictures!" The children say "No I'm not allowed!" and the fun smiles of the curious people here fade into confusion and embarrassment. We have told our kids we are the visitors here -their guests, and they think we are different, special and cute! When the grandma was carrying away Bria --we could hear Bria's giggles all the way down the street. Her response was "I didn't know the grandmas here were so strong!" She loved it! We have tried to make the akward parts of this culture fun --an experience -an adventure! Our kids LOVE it here -they love the people --the younger ones are already fitting right in and running around like they were born here.

I still get embarrassed as I squeeze my body against everyone elses trying to get off the bus, and say "excuse me" when I or others bump into me --but I wouldn't trade it for the world. We really are on an adventure! It's kind of fun to be considered special and sometimes even cute!